Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen, my name is Chanel and on behalf of Captain Consumerism and all the corporations I would like to invite you on board this Boring 24/7 life.
We would like to request your full attention while I demostrate the wealth and empty advice from our sponsers.
The grip of money around you is secured, tightened and never released.
You must remain buckled at all times.
We are likely to experience extreme booms and busts
Please do not move freely, unless you are instructed to do so.
There are no alternative exits, for many your exit is already behind you.
When capitalism crashes follow the flickering neon lights to closed doors.
The rich and powerful will stand on the shoulders of others to get to their personal escape slides.
In the event of depression, bags will drop from the panels above your head.
To start the flow of pointless consumer goods, place ads firmly infront of your nose, ears and mouth and breathe frantically.
This will help you consume more
In the likely event of an emergency, please assume the race position.
Bury your head in your hands and pretend its not happening
The wealthy have cash packets under their seats
The rest have debt belts for a quick sink
The rich are advised to inflae their cash packets while onboard capitalism
This is done by pulling down on the protesters, taking their whistle and blowing up the rabble.
Please remain constantly on your electronic devices to avoid interaction with other people.
We tell you not to smoke but we like it when you do. Life is stressful, you work hard, and you deserve the guilty pleasures. Shortterm satisfaction is what capitalism is all about.
We don’t want you to take off so ensure your sense of self worth is down, your ansiety is up and your mood is uptight.
Please ensure all items in your head are consumer goods and your brain is fully closed to new ideas.
Sit back, take prozac, get the sack.